Closing keynote: The Trick to Making Difficult Behaviors Disappear

Editor's Note

Wrapping up the 2025 OR Manager Conference with high energy, humor, and some fundamental truths about human interactions inside and outside the workplace, Monica Wofford, CSP, leadership consultant, Contagious Companies, shared tried and true strategies that work well to curb difficult behaviors and make difficult people have less impact in our lives. The secret to these strategies? Their simplicity.

They are:

1. Stop asking (If someone is exhibiting difficult or negative behavior, do you truly need to ask them questions and invite their energy into your day?)
2. Stop assuming (If someone does something that offends you, like ignore you when you say hello, which is more likely—that somehow they didn’t hear you, or that they meant it as a personal attack and did it on purpose?)
3. Stop fuming (An important follow-up to number 2, preemptively getting worked up and getting angry over a perceived offense that probably started from a non-exact assumption does you very little good).

“If you do the above three to someone, guess what you just created?” Wofford asked the audience. “A difficult person, even if they weren’t one,” because they will match the negative assumption and resulting anger you direct at them. Basically, name the narrative, cancel the spiral, and meet people where they are. That is how leaders can reduce conflict and make “difficult” colleagues disappear.

According to Wofford, confidence strongly shapes how we experience others. “When your confidence goes down, your difficult people go up,” she said. Fatigue and stress fuel distorted assumptions. Leaders then invent motives, stew on them, and turn a neutral coworker into an adversary. “We assume we know the answer as to why they did what they did, when that’s hardly ever the case.”

Another habit to practice that Wofford introduce is taking a mental pause and evoking the word “cancel” to those who are making our lives difficult. “But use your inside voice,” she stressed, adding that saying “cancel” out loud to someone like a work colleague is not appropriate. This habit only works as a self-talk reset to halt that automatic slide from conscious irritation into subconscious triggers. “Please don't leave here and go, ‘cancel!’ at people,” she said, to the audience’s amusement.

The talk then moved from mindset to mechanics with a fast, plain-language personality lens. Everyone carries four styles to varying degrees:

• A, the Commander: action, challenge, results. Their motivation is “get it done.” Under stress, they push, argue, and sound intense without realizing it. They give clear goals and autonomy.
• B, the Organizer: logic, detail, order. Their motivation is “get it right.” Under stress, they withdraw, get stubborn, and slow decisions until they trust the data. They provide clarity, timelines, and rationale.
• C, the Relator: harmony, empathy, connection. Their motivation is “get along.” Under stress, they become Eeyore-like, seeking reassurance. They offer direction, appreciation, and a clear path to your approval.
• D, the Entertainer: ideas, energy, visibility. Their motivation is “get appreciation.” Under stress, they seek attention and can zigzag emotionally. They give sincere praise and channel creativity into defined deliverables.

Labels alone do not help. “Difficult is not the same as different,” Wofford said. The work is translating your message into the other person’s language and context. For example, do not hand a freewheeling brainstorm to an Organizer and expect instant adoption without structure; do not go to a Commander for comfort when you need empathy. Gender norms complicate perception. Some women with Commander dominance get mislabeled as abrasive because “the world still expects women to act like Relators.” Some men with Relator strengths feel pressure to posture as Commanders. Leaders should ask whether colleagues are operating from natural strengths or “faking a color,” which is exhausting and unsustainable.

Practical applications included setting expectations that curb misinterpretation. Before difficult conversations, reset your internal story with “cancel,” then test assumptions out loud. When behavior shifts, diagnose the likely style and adjust: give Commanders a challenge and a deadline, give Organizers a plan and proof, give Relators reassurance and a clear route to success, and give Entertainers authentic appreciation paired with boundaries.

“You do possess the power to make difficult people disappear,” Wofford concluded. “Start by really looking and seeing them as maybe not so difficult, just a little different.”